I read all the Volvo-based periodicals on the 'net. There are a great number of Volvo lovers out there, and many of them share the same philosophy. They baby their cars, shower them with love, care and affection. They wash, wax, and fix paint chips and scratches. They repair things before they break.

Not me. My Volvo philosophy is completely different. I buy 240-series cars cheap. Like $500 cheap. Then I "drive 'em like I hate them." I fix only what prevents or impedes going, stopping, or steering. Suspension bushings? Heck no! Change the heater control valve? Not on your life, buddy. Three of the four windows still roll down, and that's good enough for me!

I bought Nora II last summer. She's a 1983 244DL with an M46 overdrive. The automatics are too prone to failure for me to take any expensive chances. I found her sitting on the back lot of my favorite foreign car dealer - parts shop - repair shop. She'd been taken in in trade, and was too ugly to put on the lot, so the shop owner was getting ready to wholesale her.

"Joe", I said. "How much is the wholesaler going to give you?" Joe told me he was getting $750. That is about 50% more than my normal Volvo budget, but I took her for a test drive anyhow. There were lots of little, easy things wrong with her, and she needed a center bearing. I offered Joe $1000 for the car, including tax, title, plates, and a new center bearing.

Since then, I put in a new master cylinder and a set of water pump seals. That's it for parts. I fixed a few simple problems, like bad overdrive wiring and the like. I also changed the transmission oil to semi-synthetic ATF in an effort to quiet it a bit. I was feeling charitable that day.

This past winter, during a big storm, Nora II got hit by a truck while parked outside my office. Despite all my pleas to the insurance company, I was forced to settle for $500 and keeping the car. I went to the junkyard, bought a new (used) driver door glass and handle. A little sandpaper, bondo, and spray paint later, Nora II looked fine, and after deducting my $35 expenditure, I came out $465 ahead!

My point is: here in Michigan, cars rust. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try to prevent it, cars rust. You will eventually lose most, if not all of your original investment. A new S70 at the dealer is $38,000, plus tax. So I can lose $38,000, or I can lose $750. The choice is obvious.

So why Volvos? Not just any $750 car will do, although I have purchased other cars. Volvos legendary reliability is one part. I don't need care what the odometer says, or if it works. Volvos run, or they don't. In this modern, front-drive world, Volvos are easy to fix. Sure, the parts are expensive, but nowadays, even Pep Boys carries most major Volvo parts. My master cylinder only cost me $35, as opposed to $108 at the dealer.

Besides, there is no denying that the uglier a Volvo is, the cuter. My wife loves Nora II. In fact, I rarely get to drive her. But she's great fun to tinker with.

Someday, I hope to get a nice 122 wagon. I'll only drive her when it's nice out. And I will baby her, just like the other Volvo lovers do. But finances don't allow that just now. So I buy 'em old, and I buy 'em ugly. All I ask from the rest of the Volvo world is to tolerate me and my opinion.

Photo by Evan Reisner
Illustration stylized from a Brian Carscadden photo.